Right, before any of you read on, please bear in mind that I am actually a polite road user, rarely use my horn, nor do I end up looking like this after every car journey. Also, please stop reading now if you take offence to foul language (apologies).
However, as previously stated in my last blog post, I am not a fan of awful road users. So to vent my frustration over these irritating, rude and obnoxious people, I have decided to categorise them, cause what’s more fun than making lists right?
The ‘I heart 45mph’ Driver
Due to the insane amount of frustration these people cause me, I’ve had to mention them first. You know them people driving Nissan’s or some other bubble-like car, who, when you find yourself following them in the 60mph zone decide that driving at 45mph is acceptable….and to take a corner….woah, wait there, they drop down to 30mph. However, these people think that it’s okay once hitting a 30mph speed limit zone that to continue driving at their irritating speed of 45pmh is acceptable. Let me tell you this Mr. I heart 45mph, it is NOT. Have you not seen those adverts ‘if you hit me at 30mph I have an ’X’ % chance of survival?’ No you probably haven’t because you’re too busy slowing down every poor fucker who wants to get home and denying them of these heart breaking adverts!
The ’15 mile radius’ Driver
There is nothing more I hate than people who whinge about driving further than a 10 minute trip to their local Tesco’s. You should not be out on the roads if you are not confident driving for longer than a certain period of time. PERIOD. You passed your driving test, which was probably around about a 45 minute exam, of which you had to probably do plenty 2 hour lessons in a hit to be able to pass, why oh why is it so hard for you to have to drive 30 minutes, in the same county, to a different town. If you don’t feel safe driving in 60/70 zones, you shouldn’t be driving.
The ‘Diurnal’ Driver
For those of you who don’t know (because I had to google it too) diurnal is the opposite of nocturnal, people who are active during the day but sleep during the night. The people that only like driving during the day as driving at night is a little scary. Okay, I get that, it might be a little more difficult for you to see or you may feel more sleepy, so why do you decide to go driving in the winter at around half 3/4pm when you know that you’re going to get caught out by the monster that is the darkness. Why is it so hard for people to drive in the dark anyhoo? If anything, it’s actually easier cause every other road user has got 2 great big bright lights shining in your face to let you know, ‘OH HEY I’M HERE’.
The ‘I’ll wait 5 seconds to make my move’ Driver
Corrrrr, these people! I may as well categorise these as the older generation however I feel this is unfair as a lot of nobs who think it’s okay to use their mobiles while driving fall under this category. The people that are pulling out onto your road, have got to the end of their junction, have obviously seen you but still decide to wait a further 5 seconds before they think it’s safe to pull out by which point you’re so close to them that you’re basically having to do an emergency stop to let the rude pig out! Most of these end up turning into the ‘I Heart 45mph’ drivers I find, or even worse just stay at a ridiculously slow speed as I’m pretty sure they know I’m real mad by their slow reactions.
The ‘65mph limit’ Driver
Sometimes I don’t really have a problem with these drivers, I mean no they’re not driving to the limit but they’re not going slow enough for me to start getting all aggy and sit up their arse until they get the hint and move over. However, when there is a huge space in the left hand lane, which means they wouldn’t need to slow down to pull over and there’s a queue of traffic behind them, why are they still sitting in the fast lane?! Someone please tell me! There is no need for them to and no it’s not acceptable unless there’s heavy traffic to do this! This brings me onto my next type of driver….
The’ Right-hand lane’ Driver
To some of you the right hand lane is your slow lane, but here in England, it’s the lane you’re taught to use to overtake drivers who are travelling at a slow speed. Almost similar to that of the above, these people think it’s their god given right to sit in the right hand lane regardless of what speed they’re doing. Do they realise how many people are trying to get past them right now? These people are the reason undertakers exist. Once they get undertaken, you’d think they’d move over. Oh hell no! In fact they get all uppity about why someone has done such a dangerous act of undertaking and take it upon themselves to carry on driving at a slower speed than that of the speed limit to make sure everyone is driving in their opinion at the ‘correct’ speed. I have one thing to say to you Sir….
The ‘Lorry’ Driver
(Not sure why these deserve quotation marks too but we’ll go with it!) Okay, so I think we all have some form of respect for lorry drivers, their vehicles are bigger and more difficult to drive than our own, they’re stuck in said vehicle for hours on end and most of them are kitted out with crazy cool neon lights which cheer me up on my commutes. However, this lot can take the bloody piss when they want to. If a lorry they’re following is doing 63mph and their own lorry can do a maximum of 65mph I am sure they take it upon themselves to pull out into a long line of cars who are all stuck behind the ‘65mph limit’ twat and spend five minutes trying to overtake their slower rival lorry and subsequently leading several road users to miss an exit due to huge line of lorries hiding the road exit signs! Since driving a van to and from work, you gain a bit more respect from a lorry driver, they’re more inclined to let you pass/let you out and give you the occasional flash to say thanks but because every other road user is some insignificant minion to them, they feel they can bully people into letting them out and throw their weight around and us mugs just let them in! This must be stopped, tighten your gaps all!
The ‘Over-Active Breaker’
I’ve only ever come across a few of these people, but when I do there is nothing I’d like to do more than throw a massive rock through their back windscreen. And do you know why? Because they don’t bloody ever use it to see who they’re constantly flashing their break lights at, only.staring at the possible accident that any car could cause at any given second in the 3 mile gap between them and the car in front. These are the over-cautious and right annoying lot in my opinion. When you come across one of these drivers, they will break around every slight bend in the road, when a car pulls out 500 yards ahead of them, when they see another car in the opposite lane breaking! ANYTHING! They love a break! And to us, the other road users, we must in turn then break as we can’t see past their family wagon, a.k.a ‘beast’ of a car to see what’s making them break, oh no, we have to be subject to an over cautious twit who isn’t aware of how well their own breaks work.
So there you have it. If you fit under any of these categories, please do not continue to drive because you are a pain in my back-side! I have just re-read all of these and it looks like I pretty much just hate anyone that drives haaha! Don’t get me wrong, there are loads of people out there who are wicked drivers but I’m going to say 50% of the road users I’ve come across can fit under one or more of the above.
I’ve decided if I were to become a minister of transport (god help us if I ever did) I would 100% implement the following laws:
- Anyone over the age of 65 should re-take their test – every 10 years. They get friggin’ free bus passes, why are they clogging up the roads with their dangerous reaction times and inability to find their accelerator!?
- Lorries should be banned from over-taking during the hours of 6am-9am and 4pm-7pm. This would seriously sort out traffic and allow 65pmh limit driver to sit in their slow wake without p*ssing me off.
- Again, all heavy, slow-moving vehicles should be banned from motorways during the above times.
- Anyone over the age of 75 shouldn’t be driving in the dark…or driving at all for that matter. GET OFF THE ROAD!
I know, I know, half of these won’t work in principle, but hey, I’ve got loads of time before I’m elected as transport minister 😉
So that’s my rant over. Do any of you know of any other sorts of drivers that grind your gears? Do you know anyone personally that fits under these categories? Or do you now all think I’m some hot-headed cray cray girl? (Hehe I promise I’m not 🙂 )