Spoiler alert: it hasn’t been that crazy but you wouldn’t actually read on if I’d have said my mental break down month right?
So I’ve had a strange January if anything, it’s been full of spunking money on things that I definitely don’t need, deferring my French uni module and getting back into running. Most of my friends knew that towards the end of last year I was running on overdrive, I had no time for anything, my hours were all planned from 6am- 10pm and I plain wasn’t enjoying life. Whenever I would drink I would get so drunk and either cry or to the point where I wouldn’t remember what had happened during the night – yeh, not so cool.
The reason for this was I had taken too much on; two uni modules, a now 3 hour commute to and from work everyday, 9 hours at work, the stress of wedding and hen do planning, getting back into running/trying to get in shape and all while still trying to have a social life. It just didn’t give me any free time to a) myself and b) with Ben. I think the saying is burning the candle at both ends? But I’m notorious for getting these sayings wrong!
So I decided I couldn’t do and have everything and something would have to give. After a chat down the pub when Ben’s rents came down to see us, I was basically told that I would never get anywhere near professional levels in my running career (which I knew anyway!) and therefore it should be uni I should focus on. After growing up with parents who were so chilled with what we did after we had done our qualifications, funnily enough I didn’t like being told that. So I followed my heart and chose to stick at running, my favourite outlet for stress, a sport in which, no I won’t excel at starting at the age of 21, but I love! On the rare occasion I did open my French books, I was always grumpy, stressed because my ‘tutor’ was the least helpful one I’d had so far and we got off on the wrong foot straight away and upset that I wasn’t excelling as fast as I have with German. So I deferred the year.
Many people would see that as admitting defeat but I’m someone who will often not see things through and it won’t bother me at all. I can return to it, of course, but for the time being there is no point attempting to put half of my heart into something when I could give it my all when I am at a better place in life. Over Christmas I decided to get a lot of wedding planning done so I’m no longer stressed about that and I’m actively making sure I go to as many social events as I can make so not to become a boring loner who lives in the countryside and see’s no-one but her fiancé!
So my weeks are now organised by long runs, my track training (I have finely returned to athletics), gym sessions, nights out and lots of stretching and healthy eating. My mind finely feels good again. I’ve had time to start reading again, in German of course 🙂 and even had time to slip in some bakes. Two of my closest friends are going through individual crises at the moment and I need to be there for them, especially as I experienced something similar in both of their situations.
In other, less morbid news….
– I could be crossing one of my Bucket List items off on the 8th June 😉 very exciting.
– I have entered the ballot for the New York Marathon – what I was thinking when I did this I don’t know, I wasn’t even pissed!
– I have signed up to the actual Will of Iron…which I did do whilst pissed and have just this second remembered – I think I need to quit wine.
– I think I have finally found my bridesmaid dresses!
– I may be booking another tattoo (my in-laws will love that – tehehe).
– I’ve got a skiing holiday on 7th Feb to get real excited about.
– I invested in some new running shoes……..2 pairs, oppsie. I will add photos of all of my new purchases in my next post as I want to do a haul/fitness update.
– I’m back to running 9-10 miles, adding on a mile each week.
– I’ve worked out that my new SITC box set I got for Christmas can be listened to in German! I have been glued to the telly today (I was off work due to some weird illness I have).
And finally, so this isn’t all just boring words, here are some of my photos of what I’ve been up to lately.
Firstly, I have been loving the sunsets from our bedroom window recently, especially as they’re becoming later and later.
Yeeees, we have dodgy windows!
To help me relieve my stress, I’ve been having loads of long baths and getting stuck into this. It’s definitely a young adults book but that’s good for my German.
Hahaha, had to add this, this is what I just realised I signed up to last night – why oh why do I drink!
Loving this present I got for Christmas, it really motivates me to get out as you can see your splits, how you’re improving over time and of course, it’s green!
I’ve been having trouble with my eating at the moment due to my stress, more so with just my body confidence so I found this picture of me when I was at my skinniest and using it as my ‘thinspiration’. I know how wrong this is but there is noway I would go back to my old ways, this is just to prove to myself that I can get to a size I’d like to be when I put my mind to it.
I’ve got a couple of post ideas lined up – now that I actually have time to myself my content will hopefully get a little more interesting. As I’ve said before, I don’t really have a direction with this blog but I lot of the time it will be my rants, thoughts, my fitness and my adventures 🙂 So I hope you keep enjoying a nose into my life and thoughts.
Hope you are all well and 2015 is being kind to you. Much love XX